Okay, real talk, no bullshit response. Screening is a safety protocol, plain and simple. As I mention in my Newbie’s Guide post, this industry attracts a lot of bad apples. Knowing who you are means I have the power to hold you responsible if you harm me in any way. Most bad people don’t want to be caught and tend to quickly disappear when their anonymity is shed. Screening serves as an excellent filter for most nefarious people. 

How can I ever confirm that to be true? A real bad guy can just as easily say the same. Listen, I’m not saying you’re necessarily a rapist or abuser because you refuse to screen, but I’d be playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette if I started blindly trusting people. The possible consequences will never be worth it. Instead of getting mad at providers, get mad at the assholes out there who make screening a necessity.

It is an unfortunate reality that sex workers face disproportionate levels of violence at the hands of dangerous men. We remain the low-hanging fruit of serial killers, rapists, and all kinds of dangerous people looking to commit violence against women. When you ask us to not screen or for exceptions to be made for you, you are asking us to risk meeting someone who can really hurt us.

Dangerous people looking to harm us use the power of anonymity to thrive, as anonymity gives us zero recourse to hold them responsible if they hurt us. Think about it: If you were a man looking to commit crimes against women, would you not look for victims you can access anonymously so you could get away with it? Threaten to take their anonymity away, and these dangerous guys run in the other direction. 

If we didn’t screen you, how can we really know if you’re really James the tech guy and not a guy with the intentions to beat us, rape us and/or rob us? Verifying you allows us to make sure you are a safe client to see while also putting us at ease with you. And believe me, if you want us to provide you with the best experience possible, our peace of mind is incredibly important! Please help us to feel safe with you by screening.

If you are still hesitant to screen, let me ask you: If it was your daughter, mother, or sister working, would you want them to meet unknown men in a risky setting without knowing who they are? If you’re of sane-mind, you will automatically say “No” to this. Give us the same regard you would any woman you love and the level of precautions you’d expect them to take for their own safety. We are human beings too and deserve to be safe from harm.

I’m not saying this isn’t a valid concern, but this risk can be mitigated. The most important thing to do is be responsible  and take all possible measures to ensure you are seeing a reputable provider. Just as we escorts screen our clients to be safe, it is your responsibility as a client to make sure you also screen your escorts (see: Newbie’s Guide to Booking an Escort). Most reputable providers run a legitimate business and acting in any kind of shady way will damage our credibility.

At the same time, you must realize the worst case scenario you have invented in your head is nowhere near comparable to the worst case scenario for one of us. Even if your worst fear became a reality and you got blackmailed, and/or your significant other, job, or whoever found out you were seeing escorts, the stigma men face when seeing sex workers is way easier to recover from than the stigma women face. Society is more accepting to men seeing escorts, “Boys will be boys!”, but terribly unforgiving and judgmental towards women. You get to move on with your life if your “worst case scenario” becomes a reality. For us, a “worst case scenario” means we get killed on the job. The likelihood of one of us being murdered on the job when we don’t screen is way higher than anything that could happen to you. Our need for safety is much more dire than your need to privacy. No middle ground exists without compromising one. And for as long as sex work continues to be stigmatized, criminalized and the hot-bed of sexual exploitation, our safety will always – ALWAYS – take precedence over anything else. 

You have a right to research your escort and find out as much about them as possible before booking, but you do not have a right to ask one of us to compromise our safety and put our lives on the line because you want to be anonymous. It is selfish, shortsighted, and lacks understanding of the real risks escorts face on the job. If your tolerance to risk is that intolerable, you also have the choice to not see escorts. If you want to play this game right, you follow the screening rules each escort sets out to keep themselves safe, or you do not play at all. Doing any less than that, knowing the astronomical risks to physical safety escorts face, and you frankly do not deserve to be in the same room with one of us.

Only after I have verified your real phone number. 

Absolutely not. I must be able to verify your identity, and references do not do this.

Because I am my own person with my own rules and unique comfort levels.

No.

If you email me as “Bob Smith” from “bobsmith72@hotmail.com”, it is impossible for me to verify that the name is legitimate. However, if your name is John Smith and you work for TD Bank, you’re likely to have a professional email that is something to the tune of jsmith@td.ca. If I receive an email from jsmith@td.ca, I can be pretty sure John Smith is a real person who does work for TD Bank. 

If I need direct contact for the purpose of screening, I have multiple burner emails and phone numbers not attached to “Stefania” I can use to cross-verify without incriminating you and respecting your need for discretion. I will guide you through the entire screening process, offering you multiple options to suit your comfort level and will never do anything without your consent. I have been screening clients for years and have always treated my client’s need for discretion with utmost sensitivity.

Everything you send me is confidential. Filling out my booking form sends the information only to my encrypted ProtonMail email and yours, and does not store your information on any kind of database online. The only time I will break confidentiality is if you commit a criminal act against me or you give me permission to do so (for example, when asking me to provide a reference to another provider). To protect your privacy, I will always deny having met you to anyone you’ve not cleared prior, so make sure to give me a heads up before using me as a reference as well.

No.

Storing your information is not of importance to me, I just want to verify who you are. If you request it, after I have verified you and we have met once, I will happily wipe all online trace of you from my devices.

I receive a lot of messages and meet with less than 5% of people who contact me. Chances are, I didn’t think we were compatible for one reason or another. Sorry.

Truth be told, 90% of my screening is done through gut intuition. You can send me the most flawless introductory message with everything I ask for, but if something about you even slightly sets my internal alarms off, I will never go against it. 

I’m sorry, I just cannot meet you.