First time seeing an escort? Want to learn how to make your favourite girl like you? Read the following to avoid making a faux pas and become an escort’s favourite client.

Last Updated: October 25th, 2019

Disclaimer: A lot of this information is individual to me and I do not pretend to be speaking for all providers. 

Finding a Provider

When looking for a provider, do a bit of research on them to find out if they’re legitimate. There are a lot of fake ads, sketchy providers and scammers you need to be on the lookout for. This industry attracts a lot of bad people and it is both the client and provider’s responsibility to keep themselves safe. 

As a general rule of thumb, you want to be wary of ads that offer little information and that seem to be good to be true. Directory listings (Backpage, Leolist) are littered with these. Fantastic pictures and really low price? Red flag. Don’t jump the gun. Google their contact information and figure out if they’re active anywhere else. If in doubt, do a reverse image search on their pictures and figure out if they’re really their own. The general life advice of “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is” applies here.

There a lot of horror stories from clients about having gone seen a provider who turns out, at best, to be nothing like their pics or at worst, violent and/or a scammer. Majority of these things can be avoided through screening. Screening is not just for the providers, it is also for the clients. Stop and ask yourself: Why would a person feel comfortable meeting a stranger without knowing anything about them?

For your own safety as a client, you should ALWAYS be twice as wary of providers that require little to no screening. Without a doubt, I guarantee you 99% of the horror experiences clients go through are committed by providers who don’t screen (just as most horror experiences escorts go through are committed by clients we don’t screen … see the parallel?). 

Think of the following scenarios: A scam artist will not screen because their intention is to get you through the door by all means. A pimp/trafficker only cares about money, and their intentions are to get as many clients as possible. They will not screen because they have little concern for the welfare of their victims. A responsible escort, however, who cares about their safety will always screen because they want to make sure they are meeting a real person who will not harm them.

In summary, if you want to heavily mitigate the risk of a potential scam artist, trafficking victim, or general bad person, find a provider who screens. I’ve said it a million times and will say it once more: screening benefits both clients and providers. If you choose not to follow any of this advice and take your chances with those who don’t screen, I wish you the best of luck, because you will seriously need it. Just please, whatever you do, don’t be that annoying person who chooses to only think with the small head, and then goes and complains online that he got set up by a shady provider as if there were never red flags he chose to ignore.

Another very important thing to keep an eye out for is the amount of effort a provider puts into their work. Personal websites, professional pictures, and well-written advertisements are normally good signs of a legitimate provider as they require an investment of time and money which most shady people looking to make a quick buck out of you aren’t going to bother with. The places they advertise in are also good representatives. Directories like Leolist and Backpage provide cheap costs for posting ads, which is why a lot of scammers flock to them. Websites like Slixa and Eros are more expensive to advertise in, which serve as a filter for the quality of providers on them. Slixa and EROS are even more exclusive as they require the providers who advertise with them to screen with them first. That is to say, they ask us to prove who we are to make sure we are legitimate. Are you starting to see why screening is so important? (P.S: Eros sucks, use Slixa.)

I don’t want anyone to take this as me saying that anyone who advertises on Leolist is automatically bad (I advertise on there!), but I am strongly suggesting to be twice as vigilant. Google their contact information and see if they’re active on any other websites. Found a provider on Leolist who also crossposts on Tryst.link and Slixa with a professional website? You’re probably good. Found a provider on Leolist with amazing pictures at 200/hr not active anywhere else, and a 3-sentence advertisement? The red flags should be flashing nice and bright right now.

When NOT to Contact an Escort

Many clients ruin their chances with providers before it even starts because they lack the awareness of knowing when it is and is not appropriate to contact them. I hope to bridge this gap of knowledge through this section.

Generally, you want to avoid contacting an escort unless you are ready to book an actual appointment. Understand we run a business and our time and energy is just as valuable as anyone else’s. If you find a provider you like but aren’t ready to yet book an appointment, resist the temptation to send them a message just to tell them this. If you wouldn’t go out of your way to randomly call a hairdresser you have no intention on seeing just to tell them you like their work but “unfortunately, I do not need a haircut right now!”, give escorts and their business the same regard.

Many escorts will often come off as “cold” in initial correspondence with new clients. This is not because we do not want you as clients – try to understand that prior experience has shown us most people who contact us are not in any way serious about seeing us. Over time, one quickly learns that energy needs to be reserved for people who prove themselves to be serious from the get-go, not the person that maybe is a serious client but just happens to have poor etiquette. The burden of proof that you are a serious client is on YOU, not on the provider – if you want an escort to not pass you over and think you are serious about seeing them, show it through your actions from the very start. 

Found a provider you like but have a general question you would really like to get an answer to? Show them you are serious and not a timewaster by backing up your words with actions. I have had clients send me giftcards/money transfers and/or their full screening information along with any questions/comments they might have and this works miracles in standing out from the rest. This shows me they are serious and not just trolling escorts at random trying to get free attention with zero intentions of booking. Use actions, not words!

A common enquiry escorts receive is about travel. I understand how frustrating it must be as a client to find a provider that has grabbed your interest, only to realize they are located quite a distance from you! I can also understand the temptation there is to “innocently” ask them if they would oh-so-ever consider coming to your city, and if they could please let you know if they ever tour to your location?

This is terrible etiquette for many reasons, the biggest one being that it lacks consideration for the high costs involved in touring. Overhead costs for tours are VERY expensive when you take into account flights, accommodations and advertising costs alone. Asking providers to pay out of pocket to come to your location just to make it convenient for you to book is, quite frankly, selfish and short-sighted. If you want to see a provider located outside your home location, the best course of action is to enquire about a Fly-Me-To-You travel booking or, better yet, make a trip out of it and go visit them at their home! If, however, you live in Calgary and happen to like a provider based in Toronto but only want to see them for an hour appointment, spare the poor companion and look elsewhere for someone closer to you.

I should also not forget to note that many escorts have stories of having toured to locations clients had expressed interest in before, only for them to get there and the same clients who begged them to go there ending up ghosting or never booking an appointment. Unless you are serious and ready to back up your desires with solid, immediate actions,  leave your “maybe” bookings at home and don’t waste a provider’s time. And definitely don’t be surprised when they treat your empty “desire to book” with skepticism and coldness. Book ONLY  when you are fully prepared!

Contacting an Escort

When you are finally ready to book an actual appointment with a provider, you want to make sure you are tactful in the way you approach them. Read their ad and/or website thoroughly and see what they need from clients. Escorts deal with a lot of timewasters and rude clients who test our patience on the regular, following their instructions and sending a respectful message with all the information they require will immediately put you ahead of 99% of the crowd (this number is not an exaggeration). First impressions are crucial and you only get one chance.

Most providers take the time to post basic information in their ads/websites like their schedule and rates for YOUR convenience, please READ and do not send a message asking “what are you rates?” or “are you available?” if they already have those answers listed! This is THE  #1 escort pet peeve.

Examples of common poor messages:

  • “are you available?”
  • “what are your rates?”
  • “do you do bbbjcim?”
  • “hi babe”
  • “hi”
  • “i am tall fit and handsome not like the other guys you see”

If you send any of the above, don’t be surprised if you receive a snarky reply back (guilty as charged). 

Example of an excellent introductory message:

  • “Hello Stefania, my name is ________. I found your ad listed on ______ and was super interested in meeting you! A little bit about me: I am __ years old and I work in finance. I am Caucasian, about 5’6 tall, and physically pretty fit with maybe a couple extra pounds to spare. I like to go skiing in the winter when I’m not working and am a big fan of science fiction novels. I took a look at your schedule and noticed you’d be working downtown on January 18th, would it be possible to meet at 5pm for 2 hours? For your records, my cell number is xxx-xxx-xxx and my LinkedIn account is ______ . If you need any more information, please do not hesitate to ask. I look forward to your reply!”

(Feel free to steal that template for yourself)

Let me just reiterate why this is so important. We get hundreds of messages from people who don’t respect our rules or don’t bother to take the 5 minutes required to read our ads/websites. Dealing with endless dead-end enquiries, answering the same questions with information that is already listed somewhere else and just dealing with the abundance of timewasters out there who have zero intentions of booking our services will eventually wear down even the most patient person on this planet. I am sure I speak for most if not all providers when I say, someone who extends the smallest amount of effort to at least follow our rules and basic booking requirements is like an oasis in an otherwise chaotic storm. Be that guy.

Be respectful of an escort’s screening requirements. Screening methods is one of the most discussed topics in this business, and a huge source of headaches for both clients and providers it warrants a post of its own. For now, all I will say is, respect an escort’s screening methods. This is a very individual thing and up to the provider to determine what they are comfortable with. Some people are comfortable with just a phone number, others need more personal information. It is NOT up to you to decide what is and is not acceptable for a provider to ask for. If a provider asks for something you are not comfortable giving, do not message them trying to negotiate, or at worst, argue with them about it. It is very rude. Move on and find someone else.

Be clear with the booking details in your message. This is just a small pet peeve of mine I know other providers share, but it is always best to be clear with the details of a booking from the get-go. “4 hour date at 6pm on February 10th” is much better  than “a few hours in the evening sometime next week.” Believe me, it is easier (and quicker!) to accommodate a booking when none of the details are left ambiguous. 

Keep any and all communication concise, business-related and to the point. Endless-texting is one of the most common concerns I’ve heard providers have with their clients. Many providers find it exhausting when clients think they are entitled to excessive free emotional labour off-the-clock. I can only speak for myself here, but I don’t generally mind keeping in touch with clients in between sessions as long as the relationship is ongoing, ie: you are my regular client and balance your messages with actual bookings. When it crosses the line from “okay” to “excessive” is sending emails and wanting to chat and text 24/7, the worst when the client rarely, if ever, books actual appointments. I’ve had clients in the past who have only booked one single hour appointment and gone on to spam my email for months and never again book another session. Please – be aware of this! Be especially aware of how much you are expecting out of your providers versus how much you are giving back to them. It should be an equal balance! Respect our time just as would any other business professional. If you wouldn’t endlessly message your lawyer/therapist/hairdresser nonsensically in between business meetings, do not do the same to us.

TIP: Some providers do provide texting/emailing packages for clients who really want that extra attention outside appointments. Enquire about this if this is something you’d be interested in so your friend feels fairly compensated and does not start to develop any kind of resentment towards you. Happy provider means happy you!

Be respectful of an escort’s time. Most escorts require at least a few hours notice, others 24+ hours, again take a look at what kind of notice they ask for. This is very individual. Nothing says to me “I don’t have any consideration for you” more than a message that asks to meet me on my off-day, or a client who seems to think I have no life outside my job and am available 24 hours around the clock. This means that if I post I’m hosting incalls on Thursday, don’t ask me for a half-hour Wednesday incall appointment. If I post I’m working 8am to 10pm, don’t message me drunk at 3am. The only exception to this is if you understand that convenience has a cost. Only in town one day and really want to convince your favourite provider to see you outside her scheduled hours? You better be willing to make it worth their while. 

Unless they state they are okay with it, please don’t message an escort at 12:41pm looking for a 1pm appointment. It takes time to screen and get ready for an appointment, and time needs to be set aside for you. Most of us are not sitting around, dressed ready to go, phone in our hands waiting for you to call us. We have other jobs, clients, school, families, chores, and other life responsibilities we are not able to stop at the drop of a hat. Me, personally? Chances are I’m in sweatpants with no make-up on when you send me that “are you available?” text. Plan ahead.

On the same token, if you book an appointment, respect the time. If you need to cancel, for the love of all that is Holy, do not text your provider 10 minutes beforehand, or at worst, ghost them. The time you book is time reserved for you that could have gone to another client. Cancelling with zero regard costs providers precious time and money and is often enough reason for an escort to blacklist you. Different people have different rules on cancellation policies, make sure to ask.

Deposits

This is a very big debate topic in this industry, especially in regards to independent companions. Many companions – myself included – insist on collecting some sort of deposit before finalizing a booking. Why is that so?

Once again, I can only speak for myself here, but I mostly do it for the peace of mind. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that many people in this industry do not respect our time and last minute cancellations / no-call no-shows are very common. Companions often set time aside for their bookings way in advance, and cancellations by clients who were never in any way serious about seeing us can hurt our business quite badly. When this happens enough times, most of us start to get anxious with new bookings, thinking: Is this client actually serious about their booking? 

There also exist the clients who talk a lot about “future bookings.” Maybe you are serious – maybe you are telling the truth when you say you’re not sure of your schedule yet, or that you just need to get the time off work, and you really do want to take us on that trip or buy us that one gift we’ve always wanted. But to us, we might be skeptical over whether you are serious or just stringing us along for your own entertainment. You have to forgive us for this – once again, there do exist many mean-spirited people who get off on wasting provider’s time and we often learn to be on the defensive for this kind of behaviour.

Deposits, once again, help here. If you have every intention of booking a future appointment with a companion but really are still unsure of a date, help your provider feel at ease with you by sending them a deposit towards the future booking. When you do something like this for us, we are able to rest easy knowing that you are definitely serious about seeing us and aren’t one of those jerks taking us for a ride. Believe me, this is just good for you as it is for us because when we feel comfortable around you, we can be our ultimate authentic selves and provide you with an even better experience free of any anxieties and apprehensions.

Yes, believe me, I understand there is an anxiety of your deposit being stolen. I am very remorsefully sorry to admit that these kind of incidents do happen in our industry with dishonest and morally bankrupt providers.  Many clients, understandably, can be apprehensive about sending deposits because of this. Regardless, I urge you to not paint us all the same. Do your research as well as you can – how reputable is this provider you want to see? How much of a deposit are they asking for? Do they seem like they have a lot to lose if they got outed for being scammers? How professionally do they handle their business? Always remember that for most of us, stealing a deposit is just not worth the cost of our entire income revenue. All I can really do is implore you to never send deposits out blindly just because someone asks for them, and do as much research on the provider as you can to see if you can judge them as being fairly low-risk of a scam. Remember: this industry is never without risks, and the best any of us can do as clients and providers is minimize the risks involved as much as possible.

Ultimately, I will leave it at this: If you are in any way uncomfortable sending a deposit a provider asks for, resist the temptation to argue with them about it as they likely made this decision for a myriad of personal reasons. I hesitated on asking for deposits for over two years because I knew I would isolate clients hesitant to send them, but eventually the scale tipped for me in that the anxiety the uncertainty without deposits was causing me was more than the money I was afraid of losing. Thus, I accepted that losing potential business from hesitant clients was worth the peace of mind deposits would give me. Many providers, I am sure, also feel similarly. If you are finding yourself to be too uncomfortable with the risk that a deposit entails, be respectful and understanding of the reasons providers ask for them, and just move on to someone who fits your personal level of comforts.

Getting Ready for an Appointment

Believe it or not, there is a lot of etiquette involved in meeting an escort, and it is very common for a first-timer to make easily avoidable rookie mistakes. The best course of action to thoroughly prepare yourself for your upcoming date is by researching basic escort etiquette. This tip alone will guarantee you earn yourself a spot in your new friend’s favourite client list! Heed all I am saying and I guarantee they will be gushing about you to all their friends for a long time to come.

Found this post useful? Share it with other providers and clients or simply leave a comment below!

PROVIDERS: If you would like to share this guide on your own website, please credit appropriately and send me an email to let me know!

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This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I’ll be sure to share it.

  2. Great article!
    Thanks

  3. Absolutely love this!!! Well written and informative!

  4. This was great…VERY much appreciate the guidance!

  5. After reading and tweaking your template I was able to book my first appointment! Resources on how to frame your first message are hard to find and I found this helped a lot.

    Thank you Stefania!

    1. xostefania

      Yay! This is fantastic to hear. I am glad I was able to help you book your first appointment! Hope it’s an amazing time for you!

  6. Thank you for writing this article! It was great, I will be sharing it.

  7. Fantastic article. Sharing now.

  8. In her typically clear style, Stefania reminds us that providers deserve our respect. This isn’t just for her purposes, it’s helpful to men, too. If a provider feels secure and comfortable with one of us, she will be relaxed and prepared to share a mutually enjoyable experience. We should remember this.

  9. Thank you for writing this. Since private Delights does pre-screening, Ibeing a newb, I thought that was the preference in the industry no I’ve been making that mistake. I love providers with mailing lists and I’ve been making the mistake of asking others that don’t have mailing list to let me know when they come to my city. Because of your post I will stop doing that. Understanding the etiquette makes me feel more confident in a positive experience. It’s greatly appreciated.

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