So You Booked The Date... and if you're now wondering, what the heck am I supposed to do?! ... you are far from alone. Read this guide and you are sure to win a spot on your new friend's favourites list.

Last Updated: August 27th, 2019

Disclaimer: A lot of this information is individual to me and I do not pretend to be speaking for all providers. 

Congratulations! You got through screening okay and now you have an appointment booked to see a new friend! I am so happy for you! However – don’t make the mistake of assuming that just because you passed screening you are in the clear to do and say as you please. You are not entitled to anything just by the virtue of payment.  All you have been granted is a chance to prove yourself to be a true gentleman worth a provider’s time. The manner in which you carry yourself moving forward will determine whether your new friend thinks you worth winning a spot in their list of regular suitors.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret most bad clients fail to realize: the quality of your time together is correlated with how comfortable your provider feels with you. Being an escort’s favourite client is less about how you look, how much money you make, how old you are, and how well you think your sexual prowess is, but everything to do with the manners in which you treat her.

Making sure your date is comfortable and feels safe in your presence is of utmost importance to earning yourself a stellar time. In between review board members complaining left and right about everything a provider did or didn’t do and the overall general level of demanding and entitled behaviour that exists in this business, most of us are conditioned to be on guard for potentially abusive behaviour. Working in an industry where we are constantly told nothing we do is ever good enough, having a client that provides a safe space for us to relax and be ourselves is the ultimate gift you can give any provider you will meet.

What is a safe space? It is a space, an environment you create in which your provider feels most comfortable to be herself. It is a space in which she can speak her mind and assert her boundaries without fear of a negative reaction from you. It is a space in which she feels respected and listened to, where her needs, wants, and desires are not only heard, but heeded and taken into utmost consideration.

A lot of the advice in my list comes down to realizing that we are individual human beings with varying comfort levels of what we can and can’t do, what we like and don’t like, and knowing to respect our unique boundaries and enjoy us exactly as we are. The best dates I’ve ever had have been with clients that have gifted me with the freedom to be myself and not tried to make me into something I’m not. This is how you unlock me at my best.

But it’s just not that – it is ten times as important to be aware of the many common fears and anxieties providers face about the dangers we put ourselves at risk through the mere act of being in this industry, and doing everything in your power against these dangers to show (remember: actions, not words!) your provider that no, you are not going to steal from her, you are not going to take her advantage of her time, you are not going to secretly record her, you are not going to be pushy and demanding, you are not going to try to stalk her after you leave the room, and you are not going to harm her in any way, shape, or form. 

“But I’m not that kind of guy! I would never harm you! I would never run away with your money! I would never record you! Why so much paranoia? Why do I need to cater so much to these fears I find so extreme?”

Listen, no one’s accusing you of being anything, and getting all uppity and offended at these very valid concerns is only going to make your provider uncomfortable for daring to speak up about what makes her feel comfortable and safe (remember: your key to success is to NOT do this). You have to remember we do NOT know you, you are a STRANGER, and your words and promises are just that – words. Even if you consider yourself to be the supreme citizen of the world the rest of us should follow the example of, you do all these things because your friend does not know you, you do it for her peace of mind, for her to be comfortable and not have the worry in her mind the whole time you’re together, “What if his phone/watch/glasses are secret recording devices? What if he doesn’t pay me at the end? What if what if what if?”

Before the Date

After you book your appointment, try to refrain from contacting your provider in between unless it is directly business related. I run into this issue a lot – clients who want to chat with me about nonsensical stuff off-the-clock. Expecting your provider to correspond with you for free outside of sessions is emotionally exhausting and something most of us dislike having to deal with. Have respect for her and her business and do not expect emotional labour for free. Really like her new pictures? Laughed at her most recent tweet? Your heart is about to explode in excitement in anticipation of meeting her? That’s fantastic, but keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself and don’t email her about it. If you wouldn’t waste the time of your lawyer/therapist/hairdresser in between appointments with irrelevant thoughts that serve no business purpose, give escorts the same regard. Stop giving us more work than necessary – our inbox is for professional purposes only, period.

If you just can’t hold it in and just need to tell her how much you like her, you better be attaching a gift card to your message. Or better yet, enquire about a paid texting/email package so you get the attention you want off-the-clock and your friend is fairly compensated for it. Never expect anything for free!

During the Date

First, the most important thing and this applies universally to every single kind of date: give her the payment right at the very start. It is normally in good taste to have the cash ready in an envelope, but it’s not absolutely necessary. If you’re in a public place, give it to her discreetly hidden in a card or gift bag. Most of us appreciate it very much when a client sorts the payment right at the very start without being prompted to, as it is very awkward to have to interrupt the middle of the booking to ask for payment. Spare us from this.

Don’t expect to get hands-on right from the very start. Look, we all know what this business is, what goes on, what is expected to happen. Believe me, I understand very clearly a big part of the reason you are there to see me. Regardless, I ask you to exercise patience and self-restraint. Nothing – absolutely NOTHING – makes me more anxious than clients who expect me to get right down to the action from the second they walk in the door. I can even see it in your eyes.

Don’t put on this “pressure to perform” so many clients often do, where they start whining like babies when I’m not pawing at them from the second they walk through the door, or feel they aren’t getting what they want as quickly as possible.

A big part of the reason I favour longer dates is because they allow chemistry to evolve as naturally as possible and there is less pressure from the clock to “get down to business” as soon as possible. I like getting to take the time to know you, to get comfortable together, and wind down before the fireworks spark. Be patient and give me the time to naturally get comfortable with you, and I promise you will unlock a side of me those who lack restraint will never be able to access. As I repeated a million times already, the key to having the best time of your life is by assuring my comfort first.

Get ready to talk. I am not a robot, so you better not expect to treat me like one. If you’re coming to see escorts expecting to be glued to the bed for the entire duration of the date, get another hobby. Or at the least, don’t come see me. I’m here to provide a human experience, to connect with you and get to know you as a person. We are going to do this first through talking. If you’re actually interested in getting to know me as a person, I’ll feel a lot more comfortable around you than if I can see that you’re clearly only interested in one thing. Let’s converse!

Always take a shower. When you visit an escort at her incall, whether it’s at the very start of the date, fifteen minutes in, or whenever she tells you to, always shower. Most providers provide clean towels and body soap for you to wash up. It doesn’t matter if you just showered 5 minutes beforehand, your provider has no way of confirming this. To make her feel comfortable, clean up without a fight whenever she asks you to. Please do not put your undergarments back on after showering, this kills the point of the shower. Leave the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around you. (Unless y’all are going to dinner or something first. Disregard my advice then.)

Make use of all the toiletries provided. If there is mouthwash and handsoap for you to use, use it. I can’t speak for other escorts, but if your breath smells or I feel you aren’t clean enough, I can and will send you back to the bathroom. This is very embarrassing to have to do, please don’t put me in this situation.

For both safety and convenience, I also highly suggest leaving all your belongings in the bathroom. This includes your cellphone, keys, wallet, watches, and any other personals. This way, you are not left scrambling for them at the end of the session and your lady can feel more comfortable in your presence. You can blame the clients who have secretly tried to record sessions for this precaution.

Don’t ask about a menu. The truth of the matter is, if I don’t like you and don’t feel comfortable in your presence, you are not going to be ‘unlocking’ anything special with me. I aim to provide an experience and my experience with one person will not translate to the same with another (which is a main reason you should be wary of reviews … but that’s for another time). If you’re nice to me, you’re most likely to get the best end of the stick. The best kind of experience is always when things are left to their natural devices and you are not trying to tick off a bunch of boxes off a long list.

Listen and respect her boundaries. If she tells you she is not comfortable with you doing one thing or the other, for the love of God, listen to her. NO is a full-sentence. Disrespect of boundaries is a quick and easy way to find yourself industry-wide blacklisted.

If you are hosting an outcall, make sure the place is clean. It is rude to have a guest over in a dirty environment, so make sure the place is at least some level of clean. Offer her some private time in the bathroom to freshen up, it’s very much appreciated! Tip: Leave her donation in the bathroom where she can easily find it and save you both of you having to even talk about it.

If you are going out in public together, realize that different providers have different comfort levels when it comes to PDA. This has caused a lot of issues for me in the past because some clients expect a lot more PDA than I am comfortable providing and then go on to get really upset about it or take it as a sign that I don’t like them.

I understand people like affection because, well… I mean, who doesn’t? It feels super nice and lovely and makes your insides all fluttery, and really adds that extra touch to the girlfriend experience. BUT there are certain things I just need to draw line at. I’m strictly speaking for myself here: I don’t like grand displays of PDA, they make me very uncomfortable. I don’t like clients who expect me to make out with them over dinner or parade down the streets locked hand-in-hand like love-struck teenagers. Don’t take it so personally – it has nothing to do with you and doesn’t mean I like you any less. Besides the valid concern we might run into someone we know, I’ve just never been the kind of person to be into such open displays of cutesy-ness. I am a lot more affectionate behind closed doors, I promise!

That’s not to say I’ll leave you high and dry and starve you completely of any kinds of loving – there are certain PDA acts I’m quite comfortable engaging in, but please allow me take the lead and don’t make me feel bad for not doing something I don’t want to do! 🙁

Respect her privacy and never enquire about personal information. Asking her identifying things like what her real name is, where she goes to school and similar can come off as very intrusive and make most providers uncomfortable. We use aliases for safety and privacy concerns and nosing around asking for these things makes you look like someone who does not respect our need for privacy. People often can, and do, misuse this information to harm providers and it is always in a provider’s best interest to be precautionary. It is nothing personal – really. If a provider ever decides to trust you with personal information, allow them to be the first to broach the topic – don’t push for it!

And the final piece of etiquette advice I have… please respect her time. If you booked for a half-hour, don’t expect to stay for an hour. If you booked for 3pm, don’t show up at 3:20pm.  I understand sometimes shit does happen, but please always do your best to be on time and I will do the same for you.

A good provider will be aware of the time without being a “clockwatcher”, so when she warns you time is coming to an end, you can either 1) ask to extend the session if you want more time or 2) start wrapping  up to go.

The most important thing however, is to relax and have fun! This is your time to enjoy, so kick back and have a good time. I hope we are able to meet over and over again!

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This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. I read your profile and all the helpful information about booking, etiquette etc with great interest. I believe the information you have provided is a great primer to whomever is a newbie (like me) and will be venturing into the world of hiring an escort. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to travel for that pleasure with you, but I thank you for educating me just the same. I will gratefully use your information to spend time with ladies down here in SW Florida. Thank you again..I appreciate the education.

    1. xostefania

      I am very happy to help. Didn’t write the guides just for me, but to also help my colleagues. Hope you have some amazing encounters! Wish you all the best.

  2. I have just discovered the world of escorts and you have such helpful information. Do you mind if I post a link to this on Reddit (specifically this subreddit https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers) ? Or obviously you could if you wanted to.

    1. xostefania

      Sure, no problem at all! Just make sure to credit appropriately. Happy to be of help.

  3. Again, thank you for the excellent article.

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